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gratitude poem for you on a day that didn’t go my way
i was hoping for a million dollar phone call sometime before five and maybe an ice cold soda and maybe a gilded acceptance letter and a screen printed thank you note and a kraft paper wrapped apology. i was ready to accept it all. but instead i received a long stretch of silence: just the cars rushing rhythmically by and no offers beyond the reaching shadow wisps on the wall. by the time i gave up on glory you were half asleep in our bed. i am grateful for the lack of registered letters and wire transfers and congratulatory messages: because here you are rolled up in the blue embroidered quilt reminding me even on the days nothing goes my way your love is gold foil filigree miraculous just waiting for me to cut the lights.
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for these days
these days we are improvising: there’s always an ingredient that’s missing from the shelf, something you needed but couldn’t get. each morning gratitude for all those who make do with less than they deserve, who are out here fighting for more. the world is on fire, my heart is burning. this poem was inspired by comments on the Love, Dare, Grow project. Quotes are in italics. insurrection
i am here for the day to day insurrection of your breath, the regime toppling power of your grin. you remind me that what i really have to do today has nothing to do with that millionth meeting that trillionth email: my real contribution is laughter in the bay wind, a hand in your hand, and this poem, this word. form
i am not on the list. again wandering the options and finding none fierce enough. fine. i’ll be other in a world where the choices are just between one form of death dealing and another. listen: there’s a whole field beyond the path. come find the joy out here where you’re not supposed to go. i have an outstretched hand and so much magic in my palm. love poem for the end
this is a love poem for the end. for the point at which everything breaks and it all comes tumbling down. this is a love poem for that moment when white people wake up from the nightmare we’re perpetuating and drop our weapons, guns and money bits of privilege skittering across the floor. this is a love poem for the end. before the new beginnings there has to be a breaking point. the children are yelling burn it down, and overheard a helicopter. i open my hand and let everything fall. I asked my interviewees to take some photos of the lives of their families in El Cerrito. These images are from Nancy Donovan. These images are from Maggie Gabriel. These images are from Megan and Eric. These images are from the Hofmanns.
Love, Dare, Grow: Follow Up
I checked in with our El Cerrito families about their experience with shelter in place… How is your family coping with the shelter in place order due to the coronovirus pandemic? Do you have a story you want to share? Megan and Eric: We’re using lots of opportunities to meet up via technology with members of our extended family outside of the house & neighborhood to remain connected to our global community, from livestream dance parties broadcast from the San Juan Islands and group meditation sits led from Oakland to a one-on-one round of drinks between here & Atlanta or singing songs to babies in Washington DC. Nancy Donovan: We are definitely cooking more together during this shelter in place time. It's a roller coaster. Some days feels like a vacation and some days I am fighting panic. Very surreal. Trying to stay healthy and positive. The Hofmanns: We don’t really have much to report. Obviously, life has changed substantially beyond our four walls. We don’t host our Thursday Night Dinners right now. They are on pause until we can safely resume. We are also just focusing on getting through every day, supporting each other in our household and supporting those we know (from a distance). Having just moved into our new place, we are getting used to a new normal, on top of all the other new normals out there… But we look forward in hope to the day when we can rebuild community and have people over for dinner. Maggie Gabriel: We take our dog for lots of walks. I’m painting a bird house. My brother is constantly FaceTiming his friends. Love, Dare, Grow Part Four
For part four of Love, Dare, Grow I interviewed by neighbors Megan and Eric. Megan grew up in the Midwest and spent the early 2000's on the East Coast before heading west. She has a longstanding commitment to California’s health care safety net, including almost a decade spent as a lay health worker at the Berkeley Free Clinic. Pre-pandemic, Megan enjoyed hiking adventures and seeking out swimming holes, practicing bikram yoga, and winning stuffed animals out of claw machines. These days, she still gets in (almost) daily hikes in the East Bay hills in between Zoom calls and spending time at home with her family. Eric was born & raised in Atlanta, GA, and has spent the past two decades calling the Bay Area home. He pays the bills sourcing oysters and keeping honey bees at a restaurant along the waterfront in SF and also proudly serves on the board of directors for The Watershed Project in Richmond. He spends his time hiking (preferably with a canine friend), foraging, gardening, music-making, and, in general, exploring. Introductions: say three things about yourself and one about each other family member. Megan: Midwestern at heart, lover of swimming holes, claw machines, and hiking up in the hills Eric: Hospitable explorer of sights, sounds, and places Fanny: spirited and loveable four legged mutt with one deer print paw Fern: red-footed tortoise, like your favorite houseplant but walks around Who is family? Those individuals we’ve chosen to build community and life with and alongside. Those whom we love and love us regardless of how we show up each day. How do you know? They are relationships that are time and adversity tested. What is unique about your family? Relative to how our families were growing up and how our siblings’ families are, we’re following a path of different priorities and roles. What do you think is the same about your family and other families? Even though we don’t have (human) children, we organize and bend our time as individuals to balance between everyone’s needs, making sure that all members are supported and taken care of. Why is family important to you? Many adventures in life are not as rich unless you have someone or several someones to either share the experience or share tales of the experience with. What does your family support you to do that you might not otherwise be able to do? When we choose to put our head in the clouds, it’s important to have someone holding on to our feet. What does home mean to you? Home is where we get to live, act, dress, and be in a way that mimics eating comfort food. It’s also our launching pad and sanctuary for/from exploring the world. What does home look like to you? Home is a super happy medium - extra comfortable and relaxed without being too sloppy or messy; fun and inspiring but not too ridiculous; just the right amount of space and stuff to be contented and free but not overwhelmed or overburdened; bright but not blinding. What is it like for a family making a home in this place? This physical space/address is the first place that all the members of our family have shared together and will thus always hold a special place in our collective memories, and with that “firstness” comes many a shared success, failure, scary thing, and joy. What are your dreams for your family? To continue to grow as well-supported individuals and also a happy team, in ways that are both unexpected and yet familiar. What about your fears for your family? I fear a stagnancy with my family and our progression. Many families have one or more children whose growth and evolution gives them a sense of direction through time & space. By not having that, we must work to find different ways to observe and celebrate the passage of time. What kind of support do families here need? Families need to look out for each other, just as the members of a given family look out for one another. Also, families are the building blocks of community. What’s your best family story? Not so much a story but more of a best memory from a moment in time - last year on a beautiful Summer afternoon, the backyard apricot tree had sprinkled fruit all over the yard. Eric & I filled our mushroom-foraging baskets with orange fruit from the branches above while the dog and the tortoise circled the trunk and gobbled piece after piece off the ground without any prodding or instruction on our part - a family harvest. Love, Dare, Grow: El Cerrito Families Part 3
For part three of my series of interviews with El Cerrito families, I interviewed my daughter Magdalene Gabriel. Her ideas about family ended up very much fitting with my own, but it was also beautiful to read the way her ideas and feelings are different. Magdalene is a 14 year old freshman at El Cerrito High School. Who is family? My family is my mom, dad, brother and my dog. My family is my uncle james and my aunt amy and Erik and Terry. How do you know? I know because they’re the people that I love and the people that have raised me. What is unique about your family? When a lot of people think of family, they think of people related to them by blood, their ancestors. When I think of family, I think of people like my aunt amy and uncle james, and those people aren’t actually related to me by blood, but regardless they are still my family and I love them. Why is family important to you? Family is the people that have raised me. Family is the people that have helped me with my homework and influenced my interests. Family is the people that have and will support me unconditionally. Family is the people I will always go to, no matter what. That’s why they’re important to me. What does home mean to you? Home to me is the place I go back to after school and the place I wake up at, but home can also be the place that I feel most comfortable and most myself, just like family is the people I feel the most comfortable and myself with. What does home look like to you? Home looks like a house with a red door. Home looks like a backyard with a laundry shed and a bedroom with blue floors. What are your dreams for your family? For us to go to Iceland together. For my mom to win every poetry contest and award you can think of. For my brother to graduate from OSA and then whatever art college he decides to go to. almost summer shelter in place love poem
i have spent almost twenty five years trying to write you the perfect love poem. this will not be it. this poem will sigh the way you sigh, deep, at 4:30 am not ready to exit the bed but called out into the world of heat and wire. summer is folded up on top of the blankets, waiting, just a few more weeks. i want to tell you that when your truck pulls out of the driveway my heart sinks, and in the afternoon i wait for the sound of your engine. when i say i love you i mean here, in this moment, in the almost of it: the repeated sighs, the early rising, the hot coffee in the kitchen, the wilted spring and the joy that’s not quite here yet. i love you even if may never ends, an eternity of the light on in the bathroom, you brushing your teeth and zipping your work shirt, everything about to happen. |
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June 2020
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