Prayer for Lent

prayer for lent

my grandmother was the kind of catholic
who watched mass on tv
when she got too old to make it to church.

her ziplock bag
of souvenirs from the vatican
arrived on ash wednesday.
almost precisely a year since she died.

i’m holding this
too big to wear cross
inlaid gold
pink roses and green
thinking
i wish she could come
to my church.

it was the easter
she careened her lincoln
into the church parking lot,
railing against the pope’s policies and
barely missing several children,
that i knew.
that i knew i wanted to live there
in the stained glass shadowed pews,
in the candle light and incense.
i was the one child praying
that mass would never end.

thirty one years later
i make the sign of the cross
on a woman’s forehead:
to dust you shall return.
the ash won’t wipe off my hands.
mary eileen,
may your irreverence
lighten me
and your faith
lead me.

amen.