recovery

recovery

i lost the slip of paper
with our appointment,
i lost my keys, my wallet
went missing i
forgot to pay the credit card bill
and the cable. i’m
tired.

i’m tired and worried
about the credit card bill
and the children and work and
the possibility that humanity
might destroy ourselves,
that phone call that flash
of pain her hand
and the world and
the article i just wrote
might be awful.
but

there are no pills in the cabinet.
no ativan, no xanax, no klonopin
no vicodin, no percocet, no
nothing.
and there are no bottles on the shelf,
no vodka or gin or anything stronger
than lemonade.
there are not even any cigarettes
in my back pocket.

this is tough,
this straight up morning.
i would rather get high
than cry and cry.
i would rather wake up
and not remember.
but
when you kissed me
on your way out the door
i thought i’d really like to
see you tonight. so
i’ll make do with sour candy
and coffee.
but you better buy tissues
on your way home.