Shrove Tuesday Poem

shrove tuesday poem
for e

tonight i throw on the fire
all the misgivings/mishaps/mistakes
rattling around behind me
the ones that keep me awake
clanging indictments
of everything i might be.

they go up in smoke
ashes flying
embers on the breeze
but i am left with burnt breath
and lungs bursting
with doubt.

i remember an old science lesson:
energy never disappears
it is only transformed.
nothing leaves us, really,
not the love or the tragedy.
it’s all under my fingernails,
dark ash.

what do you want to disappear
into the flames tonight?
what suffering would you ignite?
what if it helped make rich dirt,
soil to grow a bounty you could cradle
in the crook of your arm,
something bursting with possibility?

burn it down
i say,
i have the lighter fluid ready,
but don’t forget
where all this incineration is leading:
the death of death,
life furiously fighting its way
through the cracks in the earth.